To Be Sacred

It has been a curious week in the world of this 108 day commitment and in the space of holding myself as a sacred being in this journey. I have been riding the roller coaster of my best laid plans around food as medicine . . . and surrendering to what IS in my control and to the essence of my commitment.

I had made a 'plan' of what my 108 days would look like . . . and specifically what these days away from the comforts of my home and the usual routine of my life would be. And the 'plan' didn't fit the reality. But the essence of my commitment was still there. Food as medicine. Perhaps I wouldn't have the warm rice with almonds and kale that I had planned for . . . but I would have loads of fruit and plenty of water. Perhaps I wouldn't have the tasty chicken and root veggie soup that I had prepared . . . but I did have access to a beautiful lunch that filled my belly for the rest of the day. Maybe it wasn't all gluten-free AND dairy-free simultaneously . . . but I had the opportunity to really check in with my body to see what it was able to digest and what would not work. And maybe I didn't have my very favorite chocolate sweet potato pudding on hand . . . but the universe had provided a hotel that was willing to entertain my dietary restrictions for a sweet dessert at lunch.

The essence was food as medicine . . . the goal was to listen and learn . . . and I have learned. I could still drink the water I needed and had hoped to. And while my yoga and running routine did get blown out of the water for the first four days of this past week, I made a choice for where to stay based on the knowing that I absolutely needed to have space for these things - they are medicine to me - essential for the work I am engaging in. They were my compass to being realigned in the midst of the storm.

In the midst of this roller coaster, I became very aware of the moments when I wasn't holding myself as a sacred being. And strangely it wasn't my food choices that were highlighted. It was the moments when I realized that looking in the mirror at myself, had suddenly become a difficult task again. Where the old confines of what I thought I would see and what I didn't like about myself, were rising to the surface and pre-empting my capacity to see myself fully. My eyes were lowered, and there was a small sense of fear as to what I would witness if I looked in the mirror. Old stories. Old patterns. Old places where I didn't give myself love. Where I couldn't see how I was a part of this world - and deserving of the same love and respect that I so easily give to those around me, and to the natural world at large.

It has evoked curiosity within me. To listen more deeply to these stories that no longer serve me. To look for the spaces where I can expand a deeper sense of love for myself and for the perfection of my imperfections. And it has helped me to see a wrinkle in my path on the journey of what it is to be sacred. To honor and acknowledge that this life is a gift, and that who I am is what I have to share with the world.

So as I continue to walk this path, I will walk with more intention to look into the mirror daily and acknowledge that I am sacred. That food as medicine, movement, prayer, meditation . . . are all things being given as offerings to this altar found within. And that my movements and offerings to the world in the space of who I am, are the blessings to be fed.