'No'

I have been pondering and practicing lately, the use of the word 'no'. As it relates to my 108 day commitment, the priorities in my life, and my needs. There isn't a word more powerful than this simple two letter word . . . and yet, we are so very hesitant to use it . . . or so overtly dominant with our use of it.

'No' this past week has been wrapped around clarifying what is most important to me in my life - where my dreams and goals lie, and what I am being called to do, speak, let go of. 'No' has led to a different rhythm in my movement. 'No' has carved out more time for my graduate school work. 'No' has helped me to see the friendships that aren't really serving my wholeness. 'No' has even given me permission to eat a cookie.

Did your eyes just come to a screeching halt on that last sentence?

It's true. One of the things that I am learning, is that a strong 'no' equals a strong 'yes'. In other words, if you aren't able to fully say 'no' with all of your being, then you're also not really ever fully saying 'yes' with all of your being. So in weeks past . . . as I've sidled up to the lunch table to look at all of the glorious and yummy treats that the kitchen has prepared for the staff, I've been sitting on the fence with my choices. 'You shouldn't really have that.' (An almost 'no'.) 'You can have that but you'll need to eat really healthily for the rest of the week.' (An almost 'yes'). And then, regardless of which committee voice in my head I go with, I never feel fully satiated with my choice. Because I have never quite made the choice. And therefore never truly felt the strength found within making a distinct choice.

But it's not just about a cookie. That could be so many choices from my entire life.

Except this week, it was about a cookie. So I started there. I have many reasons to want a cookie - I'm a chocolate-lover. I don't keep sweets in the house. The cookies that the kitchen makes are incredible. It's free. Everyone else around me is eating them. It's comforting. And many reasons not to - I don't know what the ingredients are. The sugar content is much higher than what my body truly appreciates. The wheat flour leaves me feeling a bit bloated. Sometimes I feel sleepy after having one. I'm still letting go of the few pounds that I put on in the deep winter. So.Many.Reasons.

After having become more clear in the past few weeks about the root of 'why' I was reaching for certain foods that were not so nurturing for me, I found myself making a different choice. Food is medicine. There is deep wisdom in that. And sometimes, that medicine is a placebo. There is a particular experience in my life right now that I'm working my fingers through - an old and deep pattern that has been showing itself quite regularly. And for many weeks, I was unconsciously tamping it down with treats. In part, because my movement routine had shifted and I wasn't being as active as I had previously been. Thus, one of my tools was not being used well. So I was compensating with food as medicine . . . as a placebo.

The past two weeks, that has slowly changed, and I am in a good rhythm with movement and understanding what my body needs and wants to navigate the uprooting of this patterning, and the transitions and transformation that are coming in growing through it. As a result, I've been much more mindful of the food that I have been eating. Because when I move regularly, I require a completely different set of energy from my food in order to sustain. So when I came to the lunch table this week, and filled my plate high with vegetables, rice, and some protein, I also didn't hesitate to snag a cookie as well. With a wholehearted 'hell YES!'.

How did that change anything? Well, for one, I enjoyed that cookie like it was the first and last cookie I would ever have in my entire life. AND, I also truly and deeply enjoyed the wholesome nature of my lunch as well. I also didn't feel a need to stop at the store on my way to/from work for a treat. My 'no' was much more clearly in place, as was my 'yes'.

What if I could take that same principle and apply it everywhere in my life? If I chose only to engage in activities, opportunities, friendships, and relationships, that came from a place of a strong, 'yes'. And wasn't hesitant to say 'no' fully and deeply when it didn't fit with what would feel and be the best for me, in this moment?

What if you chose to do that as well? How would that change your life?